Be Generous

This is a great time of year to talk about generosity - one of the most powerful qualities a speaker can possess.


How do you feel when someone tries to sell you something?

At best, you may feel compelled to buy it.
At worst, you may feel manipulated, annoyed, and even violated.
But you almost never feel a true sense of connection with the seller.

Now, how do you feel when someone gives you a gift?

At worst, you may feel disappointed not to have gotten something better.
At best, you feel terrific.
And almost always, you feel grateful.

From the Green Room: Speak with generosity. Remember you are giving the audience a gift - not making a sales pitch. This subtle change in attitude makes can make enormous difference in how you approach your audience - and in how you are received.

Lessons from The King's Speech

As a speech coach, I couldn't wait to see The King's Speech, particularly as I am interested in learning more about how to help people who stutter. What I found was a lesson for all of us:

The King's brilliant speech therapist made clear that there is no substitute for hard work, and he had the King practice countless speech exercises. And yet his ultimate "cure" came from one simple lesson each of us needs to hear:

Speak to your audience as though you were speaking to a close friend.

Not only does this enable the King to overcome his stage fright - and his stutter, but at a critical moment in history - it makes each person in his audience feel personally addressed.

From the Green Room: Remember, there is no such thing as "public speaking." Whether you are speaking to an audience of 1 or 1,000,000, speak as though you are having a conversation with a close friend. There is no better way to calm your nerves - and connect with your audience.

Move Purposefully

A professor friend of mine recently introduced me to the blog FemaleScienceProfessor, in which the blogger writes:

"From a teaching evaluation (not mine, but it could have been):

'The professor paced without purpose while teaching.'

I confess: I pace while teaching. To the extent that my pacing has a purpose, it is so I can be a physical presence in various parts of the room at different times during the class, make eye contact with more students, listen to their questions better, try to see what they are seeing when I project something/write something at the front of a large classroom, or just because I get kind of hyped up when I teach and I feel like moving. I don't know if those are good purposes or bad purposes, but I think they add up to purposes, even if students don't know what they are."


Movement in a presentation is very powerful. When you move purposefully, you drive home your content. When you move randomly, you likely lose your audience.

It seems the professor here does some of both.

There is a big difference between walking towards a student in order to listen to her question and pacing back and forth "because I get hyped up when I teach and feel like moving."

The former is purposeful - and helpful. The latter may be a way to get out energy - but is most likely distracting to the audience.


From the Green Room: A speaker can ramble in words and in movement - both are problematic. Just as you speak with intention, you should also move with intention.

Steve Martin and the Perils of Not Knowing Your Audience

What do you do when you've been invited to give a talk and realize that you've lost the audience?

To make it worse, the organizers of the event interrupt you midway through and tell you to change course.

No, this is not the tale of a novice presenter. This is exactly what just happened to Steve Martin.

Last week, the 92nd Street Y invited Martin to arts journalist Deborah Solomon to discuss Martin's new novel "An Object of Beauty," which centers around the New York art scene.

Midway through the talk, the event organizers sent someone on stage with a note directing Ms. Solomon to turn the discussion away from art and towards "Steve's career."

The incident resulted in a full refund to the attendees and an apology to Martin for the hasty interruption.

Martin describes his reaction to the interruption in an op-ed which in last Sundays NYT:

This was as jarring and disheartening as a cellphone jangle during an Act V soliloquy. I did not know who had sent this note nor that it was in response to those e-mails. Regardless, it was hard to get on track, any track, after the note’s arrival, and finally, when I answered submitted questions that had been selected by the people in charge, I knew I would have rather died onstage with art talk than with the predictable questions that had been chosen for me. Since that night, the Y has graciously apologized for its hastiness — and I am pleased to say that I look forward to returning there soon, especially to play basketball.

What is surprising about this story is not the inappropriateness of the note, but rather that it got Martin so flustered!

Just goes to show, even the best presenters can get caught off guard. What happened to Martin could happen to anyone. My advice is to treat this incident as a cautionary tale.

From the Green Room: When you are invited to speak, make sure to fully discuss with the organizers the expectations of the audience and how you plan to meet them. As long as the communication is open, clear, and thorough - no "interruption" should ever be necessary.

Timeless Before Timely

Who could help but love Gwyneth Paltrow's performance on Glee last week, especially the finale: a mash-up of 'Singin; in the Rain' and Rihanna's 'Umbrella':



While the number may have devoted more time to the Rhianna song, Singin' in the Rain was clearly the heart of the performance. Mr. Schuester said it himself when he asked Hollie Holiday (Gwyneth) to help him update the classic song.

From the Green Room: Let your core message be timeless. But make sure your presentation is timely.

Look Confident, Be Confident

Check out this fascinating article from the most recent issue of Harvard Magazine, "The Psyche on Automatic," by Craig Lambert.

Lambert explores the nature of first impressions through examining the research of social psychologist Amy Cuddy.

Cuddy explains, for example, that nonverbal cues are critical determinants of whether a person is viewed as "high power" or "low power:"

“In all animal species, postures that are expansive, open, and take up more space are associated with high power and dominance,” she says. “Postures that are contractive—limbs touching torso, protecting the vital organs, taking up minimal space—are associated with low power, being at the bottom of the hierarchy. Any animal you can think of, when it’s prey, makes itself as small as possible...

In primates, these postures also correlate with testosterone and cortisol levels. Expansive, high-power postures mean (in both sexes) high testosterone, a hormone that animal and human studies connect with dominance and power, and low levels of cortisol (the “stress” hormone), while the inverse holds for contractive, low-power postures."

What's more, Cuddy explains that taking on a posture of dominance is not only a sign of confidence, but can actually increase your level of confidence:

In a recent paper published in Psychological Science, Cuddy, Dana R. Carney, and Andy J. Yap (both of Columbia) report how they measured hormone levels of 42 male and female research subjects, placed the subjects in two high-power or low-power poses for a minute per pose, then re-measured their hormone levels 17 minutes later. They also offered subjects a chance to gamble, rolling a die to double a $2 stake.

The results were astonishing: a mere two minutes in high- or low-power poses caused testosterone to rise and cortisol to decrease—or the reverse. Those in high-power stances were also more likely to gamble, enacting a trait (risk taking) associated with dominant individuals; they also reported feeling more powerful. “If you get this effect in two minutes, imagine what you get sitting in the CEO’s chair for a year,” Cuddy says.

From the Green Room: Right before you get up to speak, get your body into it's most confident state. This is a simple way to increase your level of confidence - and your potential for success - each and every time you speak.

Don't Ignore Distractions

Last week, I had minor hand surgery, leaving me with an enormous and awkward bandage on my thumb. (Note: my bandage was significantly larger than the one in this photo.)

Just in time for a first-time training at a major architecture firm.

What's a coach to do?

I began the presentation with the following advice for the audience:

"If you're giving a presentation and there's something potentially distracting in the room - be it an annoying noise, a weird piece of art on the wall, or a jumbo-sized bandage on your thumb, acknowledge it right from the beginning and move on."

And so we did.

Design Your Space

Slate is running a contest this week called: The 21st Century Classroom:

Contributor Linda Perlstein explains the origins of the project:

While going about my day, I sometimes engage in a mental exercise I call the Laura Ingalls Test. What would Laura Ingalls, prairie girl, make of this freeway interchange?

...take Laura Ingalls to the nearest fifth-grade classroom, and she wouldn’t hesitate to say, "Oh! A school!" Very little about the American classroom has changed since Laura Ingalls sat in one more than a century ago. In her school, children sat in a rectangular room at rows of desks, a teacher up front. At most American schools, they still do.

Slate wants to change that, and we need your help. Today Slate launches a crowdsourcing project on the 21st-century classroom. In this "Hive," we’re seeking to collect your best ideas for transforming the American school. We’re asking you to describe or even design the classroom for today, a fifth-grade classroom that takes advantage of all that we have learned since Laura Ingalls’ day about teaching, learning, and technology--and what you think we have yet to learn.
At the heart of this contest is the importance of adjusting physical space in order to maximize learning.

Just as you take the time to prepare the content and delivery of your presentation, take the time to prepare the room in which you will giving it.

Find out beforehand how much say you have over which room you present in and how the room is set up. Make sure the space reflects the nature of the presentation.

When I give trainings, for example, I always ask. when possible, for all tables to be removed and chairs arranged in a semi-circle. I do this to allow for maximum interaction and to make clear from the onset that my presentation is different from anything else that happens in the office.


I also remove all clutter and make sure the lighting and temperature are just right.

And I find the sweet spot in the room - the place that draws the most attention. (Note: Never have your back to the door.)

From the Green Room: Design your presentation space. Even the best presentation can flop if the physical space is not conducive to learning.

Be Clear

Recently, my six-year old son and I were looking around a local diving store. (His idea.) My son asked the clerk if he would be allowed to touch a mask and snorkel.

The clerk responded, "Not really."

My son paused and then said, "So, can I touch them?"

"He said no," I said, impatiently.

"Well, he didn't actually say, 'no.' He said 'not really,' which means he would prefer I not touch them, but doesn't mean I'm not allowed to."

There you have it.

This incident reinforced for me how often adults, including myself of course, do not speak clearly.
And when it comes to presenting, ambiguity can be our worst enemy - leading to an unfocused and ultimately unmemorable presentation.

From the Green Room: Before you even start writing your speech, take the time to make sure your message is 100 percent clear. Once you are clear on your message, make sure your words, your voice, and your body motions express your message as clearly and consistently as possible.

How to Look at the Camera

Watch the way Mark Bittman, "The Minimalist," focuses his eyes straight at the camera in this NYT cooking video, "Agua Fresca:"



Don't you feel as though he's talking directly to you?

From the Green Room: When you're speaking on camera, focus your eyes like a laser directly at the camera as if you were having an intense conversation with one person.

Not My Job?

I love this slide used by Seth Godin in his presentation on Ted.com entitled, "This is Broken."

http://www.ted.com/talks/seth_godin_this_is_broken_1.html

He uses the slide to make the point that one reason why things break is that no one takes responsibility for fixing them.

The guy who made the soccer sign probably knew it was ridiculous, but felt it wasn't his job to change it. And so the rest of us are stuck with this (funny) but absurd sign!

From the Green Room: If you're giving a presentation on behalf of someone else (e.g. a company ethics training) and you see something that doesn't make sense or that could be said better, never assume it's written in stone. Argue to improve it. Even when you represent your company in a presentation, you are also representing yourself. And once your employer tasks you with the job of presenting, you are ultimately responsible for what you say.

The Power of the Sermon

What is the real power of a sermon?

This is a question I have asked myself over and over again as I have listened to sermon after sermon - especially during the Jewish high holiday season.

This year, it struck me that the sermon is the one time during the service when the focus is on communication between people, rather than between people and God. The sermon is a break from prayer, and an opportunity for the Rabbi to connect directly with the congregation.

The best sermons are those in which each person in the congregation feels personally addressed - where the Rabbi is somehow able to have a one-on-one conversation with each individual present.

The best sermons are the ones where the listener is absolutely essential - so much so that the sermon would not even be possible without his/her presence.

Focused eye contact and clarity of purpose and message are just a few of the ways the a spiritual leader can connect personally with individuals in the congregation.

This kind of true human connection actually serves to elevate the entire prayer experience.

From the Green Room: Remember, there is no such thing as "public speaking". In any presentation, strive to make each listener feel as though you were having a one-on-one conversation with him/her.

Speaking Lessons from a Three-Year Old

My 3 year old daughter hates to walk.

She claims her "muscles are tired" and asks to be carried at any opportunity...that is unless she really has somewhere she wants to be.

If, for example, we are walking to the ice cream store, suddenly her muscles work perfectly and she can go long distances without a mere whine or complaint. A miracle!

The same is true for speakers.

If you know precisely where you want to go in your presentation, your delivery skills will automatically improve.

So many problems in delivery occur because the speaker is not yet 100 percent clear on content.

From the Green Room: Before you work on delivery skills such as volume, articulation, etc., take time to make certain you know exactly what you want to say. You will find that the clearer you are on your content, the better your delivery.

Eat, Pray, Love, Present

My favorite scene in Elizabeth Gilbert's memoir Eat, Pray, Love takes place in India, where Gilbert manages to meditate while surrounded by mosquitoes.

In an interview on NPR's All Things Considered, Gilbert reflects on the experience:

So that evening I found a quiet bench in a garden and decided to just sit for an hour, Vipassana style. No movement, no agitation, just pure regarding of whatever comes up. Unfortunately I'd forgotten what comes up at dusk in India, mosquitoes. As soon as I sat down the mosquitoes started dive-bombing me. I thought, this is a bad time of day to practice Vipassana meditation.

On the other hand, when is it a good time to sit in detached stillness? When isn't something stinging and biting? Therefore I decided not to move. In a beginners attempt at self-mastery I just watched the mosquitoes eat me. The itch was maddening at first but eventually melted into a general heat of pure sensation, neither good nor bad, just intense. And that intensity lifted me out of myself and into perfect meditation where I sat in real stillness for the first time in my life.

Two hours later I stood up and assessed the damage.I counted 20 mosquito bites, but not much later all the bites had diminished because truly it all does pass away in the end, and truly there is peace to be learned from this.

While I have never tried to meditate while being bitten by a swarm of mosquitoes, I do live in Washington, DC and know the anxiety that comes from being eaten alive in your own backyard.

Gilbert made me realize that my mosquito anxiety may have less to do with the present discomfort of being bitten - and more to do with the future - the dread of itchy mosquito bites the next day.

So much of our anxiety about speaking has to do with two things:

1. The past. (Did I prepare? Do I know enough? Remember that awful presentation I gave last time?)

2. The future. (Will I mess up? Will something go wrong? Will they like me?)

You can overcome much of this anxiety by learning to focus on the present.

The key to having stage presence is the ability to be fully present with the audience.

And when you make mistakes (which you will), it is far easier to bounce back if you don't have the added anxiety of thinking about the impact of those mistakes on your future.

From the Green Room: Want to have stage presence? Focus on being fully present with your audience. This is a skill each of us can learn to cultivate.

Know Your Opponents

When presenting a new idea, it is just as or even more necessary to speak to your opponents as it is to your fans.

With this in mind, read this piece in last Tuesday's New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/11/nyregion/11mosque.html?scp=1&sq=oversight%20mosque&st=cse

For Mosque Sponsors, Early Missteps Fueled Storm
By ANNE BARNARD

Joy Levitt, executive director of the Jewish Community Center on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, remembers her first conversation with Daisy Khan around 2005, years before Ms. Khan’s idea for a Muslim community center in Lower Manhattan morphed into a controversy about Sept. 11, Islam and freedom of religion.

“Strollers,” said Ms. Levitt, whom Ms. Khan had approached for advice on how to build an institution like the Jewish center — with a swimming pool, art classes and joint projects with other religious groups. Ms. Levitt, a rabbi, urged Ms. Khan to focus on practical matters like a decent wedding hall and stroller parking.

“You can use all these big words like diversity and pluralism,” Ms. Levitt recalled telling Ms. Khan, noting that with the population of toddlers booming in Manhattan, “I’m down in the lobby dealing with the 500 strollers.”

Clearly, the idea that Ms. Khan and her partners would one day be accused of building a victory monument to terrorism did not come up — an oversight with consequences. The organizers built support among some Jewish and Christian groups, and even among some families of 9/11 victims, but did little to engage with likely opponents. More strikingly, they did not seek the advice of established Muslim organizations experienced in volatile post-9/11 passions and politics.


The organizers of the Muslim community center jumped straight into the practical logistics of their idea without first knowing their audience.

This is a mistake speakers make all the time.

We get so caught up in our content, that we forget to make the audience essential to the presentation.

From the Green Room: Whenever you are presenting a new idea, take the time to think carefully about how your idea will be received. Don't bother to craft your content until you know your audience - your potential fans... and potential opponents.